Printed wide leg pants + red suede pumps | Discernment in friendship

dis·cern·ment – diˈsərnmənt/ – noun
the ability to judge well.

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My mom always told me that some people come to your life for a season and others for a lifetime. But learning to differentiate between the two can be the result of terrible backstabbing experiences and other lessons learned the hard way so to prevent such unnecessary pains, I figured I’d share 3 ways you can differentiate fake friends vs. real friends.

REAL
: A real friend encourages you in your endeavors and crazy projects even if they don’t understand what you’re trying to accomplish or how you’ll ever be successful at whatever it is. But no matter what, they provide their unwavering support and are present to cheer you on when you reach a goal or provide a shoulder to lean on when you’ve hit a road block. This reminds me of my mother when I told her that I would be starting a blog. I don’t think she even understood what a blog was or what needed to be done for it to be successful but you better believe that she planned the launch party, cooked up a storm for it, and made sure she carried my business cards with her everywhere telling strangers to follow her daughter’s blog on Facebook. I mean mothers stand in a category of their own but a real friend should exude the same attitude of support. Like my sister in Christ who couldn’t contain herself the other day when she found out I was featured on Fashion Bomb Daily, a real friend is a cheerleader in her own way. People who are more excited about your success than you are, those are the ones you should keep around.

FAKE: The fake friend on the other hand will discourage you before you even start to work on your dreams. They’re the ones who will focus more on what could go wrong and have no vision of success for your endeavors. There’s another version of the fake friend who is masked under the veil of the friendly enemy or “frenemy”. They pretend to be your friend as much as possible but their ulterior motive is to be around to reap the benefits of your breakthrough while they were not even remotely supportive at the times you needed it most. That is really where the gift of divine discernment comes in handy because you will need the Lord on your side to reveal to you their true intentions . They may want you to do well, but they certainly don’t want you to do better than them. Beware! When those friends show you their true colors, believe them.

REAL: Another trait of a real friend is that they are quick to forgive. This is coming from someone who used to have a Masters Degree in the art of holding grudges, OK? Listen, I was bad. Lol *hides face in shame* But it took one disagreement with someone near and dear to my heart for me to realize that forgiveness is simply a decision to let go of anger. I literally decided I’m not going to let what happened bother me and just like that it became a thing of the past and I never brought it up again because I refused to let any petty disagreement come between us.

FAKE: A fake friend doesn’t just hold grudges but they’re ready to drop the friendship and stop talking to you over the simplest mishaps. No friendship is perfect so arguments are bound to happen but if you have more disagreements than agreements, and you also can’t trust your friend to talk things through when things go wrong, that may be a sign that you’re part of a toxic friendship and who needs that kind of negativity in their lives?

REAL: A real friend can keep a secret especially if it’s something that can damage your reputation. A friend will ensure that they don’t discuss what was shared in confidence with people who have no business being involved in your personal affairs. They also won’t remain silent if a someone is bashing you behind your back.

FAKE: Do not confuse acquaintances with friends. Just because you know and hang out with someone, doesn’t mean they automatically get upgraded to friend status. Just like the frenemy described above, a fake friend will only stick around to earn your trust and then spread lies and rumors but then turn around and give you a big hug when they see you. Beware of the backstabber, the gossiper, the drama lover friend. Before you open up to someone, they should prove their trustworthiness and you should be certain that your secrets will be safe with them. 

IMG_4093 IMG_4095 IMG_4099About the look: You guys know by now how I feel about wide leg trousers. I’ve worn this particular pair many times (see here, and here) and I have yet to get tired of it. Although we are blazing in summer temperatures, I still wear sweaters to the office because it’s that cold in there. With the AC blasting daily, I must dress the part but if you’re looking for more summer appropriate looks, the sweater can easily be swapped for a lighter button down for the office, a sleeveless T-shirt for a weekend brunch or with a printed top for a bit of print mixing if you’re feeling bold. The bottom line is to wear and rewear everything you own in different ways because once you can decrease the cost per wear, you can justify the reason why the item you’re craving is a must have! Your husband should understand 🙂 

Wearing: ZARA sweater // ZARA wide leg trousers // VINCE CAMUTO pumps (Super comfortable & not too high) // CALVIN KLEIN purse // ALDO earrings // H&M belt 
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I am no friendship expert but I have been blessed with some of the greatest friends a girl could have. Some I’ve met since we were the tender age of 2 and others I’ve met in my adult years. The thing they all have in common though is that they form a support system I can lean on, each in their special way. From my prayer warrior friends, to my entertaining sisters and to the ones who drive me crazy, the people in my circle have proven themselves to be true and for that I shall forever be grateful. I pray that you’ll find the same and remember that the quality of a friendship will always supersede the quantity of friends. Wouldn’t you rather have one true friend than 100 frenemies? I thought so!

Thanks for reading friends. Would you be so kind to share this post with your  friends so they know it’s real? 🙂 I’d greatly appreciate it. 

Versicolorfully yours,

Edwina

5 Comments

  1. 06/15/2016 / 1:15 PM

    It’s so funny I’ve had a post in my draft for the longest time on friendships and you posted this! Lol. But spot on, friends are the family that God gave you the option to choose and you have to choose wisely. The worst types of friends to have are frenemies – people pretending to be your friends but secretly wishing the worst for you and that’s why you really need God’s discernment so he can show you people’s hearts.

    • 06/17/2016 / 10:40 AM

      Couldn’t have said it better. You’re better off having no friends than to have frenemies. U should totally write that post. The world needs this PSA

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