Quarantine confessions – Who knew we could miss hugs so much?

She probably doesn’t even remember this but when I first moved to NY, my cousin came to visit me the next day. She was so happy to see me that she hugged me, took a step back to look at me as she smiled, and then came in for a second hug. It felt so genuine. I felt so loved. It’s been 15 years and I never forgot that moment. Our birthdays are a day apart and though I had an amazing birthday despite being in quarantine, turning 33 will go down in my personal history as the year that we celebrated without hugs. Not only from her but from so many of my loved ones.

The talented Kathryn Duré @kaoruken penned her feelings about not being able to embrace her loved ones in the most eloquent way and I felt that she wrote it for me. With her permission, I’m honored to share the post below with you guys today. Enjoy!

I think I finally figured out the algorithm of my overtaxed brain and restless heart: I’ve always been a hugger. My dad used to tell me my kindergarten teachers were so worried that I was too friendly that one day I would walk up to a stranger and hug them. I think you can tell a lot about someone from a hug. I can tell how fiercely they are capable of loving, I feel their hesitation, their comfort, their fear, their strength, their hope… There is so much power in a hug…

So much kindness…

It is my nourishment and my promise that as long as there is breath in my body, there’s more to come; that it’s not the last.

I’ve never taken a hug for granted. Ever, It’s just not something I’m capable of doing. A hug to me is someone’s first and last puzzle piece in my story.
With that being said this is one of the most overwhelming experiences OF. MY. LIFE. I miss hugging my grandma, my aunts, my godfather, my cousins, my friends, I miss sharing their warmth and weaving more of their story deeper into mine.

As for the only two people I do get to hug, I miss not rushing out of my room to catch my mother feeling the stress and fatigue she radiates as she frantically gets ready for whatever pandemonium she’s to receive at the hospital. I miss what defines so much of my love not being a catalyst for so much harm. One night, I hugged my dad as I usually do telling him I love him, to drive safe, have a nice night and with the recently added “be careful out there” and before I let go, he squeezed me a little tighter and said: “this is really nice, you know” and it made me pause. It was such a strange thing to say, and yet that night it made perfect sense; cause a hug especially between loved ones is a conversation. Just like I can read his calm strength, I think he read me just as clearly ~ my anxiety, my depression, my fear and my love, more clearly than I could have ever verbalized. So I guess, strangely enough I miss the hugs I do get to give the two people I am in contact with, my rocks, not being wrapped up in so much prayer.
I guess I just miss the luxury of a simple goodbye.

Sometimes you gotta laugh at the absurdity of the time we are living in, within the four walls that’s given me shelter for most of my life I’ve found restlessness, and between communicative screens meant to connect I’ve found loneliness.

Not my usual cup of tea, I know but it’s still a brew worth having. Why? Because at the end of the day I’ve still found reasons purpose. My friends are my laughter, my family my strength, and honestly all y’all on social media just using this platform to keep busy, find joy during this times, inspire, love on each other, be angry together, grieve together, be apart together, resilient together, it’s a salve I didn’t know I needed.

I hate the term social distancing, correction I LOATHE it. It’s more accurately physical distancing cause socially y’all are the reason I still wake up everyday in anticipation for the next time I get to weave you a little deeper into my story.

All this to say, I can’t wait for this curse to be lifted.
I can’t wait to hug you again.

Stay safe friends, and to you and yours, Godspeed.

Outfit details: 

Grassfields sweatshirt – sold out – similar option here
Zara shorts (old) – similar here
Calvin Klein heels – in silver here
Tory Burch bag – here